Following My Fear

Today, I came across Grace Helbig's commencement speech for Ramapo College and she was making some amazing points that made me see the light of day. She kept saying "follow your fear". I posted a blog called "The Bad Thing About Being a Dreamer" talking about how I have so many dreams and so little opportunities to do them all. When I heard this speech and she was talking about "following your fear," I realized how afraid I am. I'm afraid of my dreams and of my future. I'm afraid that I'm going to fail or I'm not good enough. I'm so scared of my future that I was almost willing to quit. Now, if you know me, you know I don't like quitting so that's a bit of a stretch for me. But, I was almost willing to part with my dreams. Growing up, I remember having all of these dreams and being so willing to follow them. Even in high school, I always said "I know I can do this." But, I still kept trying. I was always so willing to follow my dreams because I always felt like someone is telling me I can't do it. I always felt like people thought I was crazy for saying I was going to go somewhere in life. I think that's what pushed me to go to college and prove them wrong. I wanted to prove everyone wrong. However, once I got to college, I became extremely depressed. I lost all interest in the career path I had chosen and I didn't know what to do. I've changed my major and found my place, but still struggle with this. Even to do this day, I have never had any sort of faith in my self to be better than I thought. Now people tell me "you can do this" and I have no one to prove wrong anymore. I lost my drive. Thanks to Grace Helbig, you beautiful woman you, I now want to follow my fear. However, I don't want just one thing. I want it all. I don't like limitations in life and want the option to do the things I want to do. Yes, I want to do radio. But, that doesn't mean I can't pursue other opportunities. So, today, I vow to follow my fear. I vow to not be scared of my dreams or relationships, for that matter. I want to be a better me. I think I'm getting my drive back. I know I can do this. If I fail, i'll just get back up and try again. If you don't fail in life, what are you actually doing? No one is perfect and to live a wonderful, exciting life, you must fail. But, I know I've got what it takes. I know how hard I've worked. I know I'm good enough.